Chef-ty Goat

Shifty Goat here! I am totally stuffed right now, having just eaten a tin can. Just kidding; that's a stereotype. I have NEVER eaten a tin can. I went to grammar school with a goat that ate tin cans (he was a social outcast; poor thing). Anyway, I truthfully am stuffed, but it's because someone was kind enough to leave some banana peels and kale stems in my food bowl. After I was done with those I made my way up onto the deck and nibbled on some chrysanthemum plants. It was delicious.

I have to say I consider myself a bit of a foodie; I have sampled all kinds of exotic cuisine, like cigarette butts, fiberglass insulation, and even a paintbrush. Unfortunately it seems like the more exotic the dish, the more my human neighbors object to me eating it. On a normal day I'll mostly eat goat food, grass, and table scraps. These things garner little attention from humans. Unfortunately I tend to find myself at the mercy of the humans when it comes to my dietary habits as they pretty much just throw whatever scraps they've accumulated into my food bowl, leaving me to "make do" with what I have. On the bright side, this has forced me to become that much more creative in my culinary pursuits.

With that, I leave you one of my favorite recipes:

2 pieces of eggplant

3 banana peels

4 cups of goat food

a large mouthful of mustard greens

1 American Express bill (this is the trickiest ingredient as it must be stolen from the trash. you can substitute any piece of mail for this recipe)

Layer all ingredients in your food bowl and garnish with some dirt. Enjoy!